9 Tips for Concerned Parents

9 Tips for Concerned Parents

When it is time for your son to take the school bus, he turns to you and says, orum I don't want to take the bus. My stomach hurts. Please don't go today. ” You're depressed. "Here we go again," you think. How can a simple morning routine become a daunting challenge?

When you look at your son, you see that he is really in “horror.. You want to comfort him. You want to alleviate the extreme anxiety that is part of your daily life. You try “logic Önce first. “You know, this driver has never had an accident. That's why we chose it. ”Even the hair does not move.

You try to reassure him. Orum I promise nothing bad will happen. Look at me, you trust me, don't you? Unuz ​​Your son nods. After a few seconds he whispers: “Please don't force me to go.“

This time you resort to anger. Ors You get on that service right now or you'll suffer the consequences. No tablets for a week! Ar It gives you a look as if you are forcing it through a circle of fire. He rides the shuttle. Looks like he's been defeated. You feel terrible.

If something seems familiar to you in this story, know that you are not alone. Most parents can even displace the mountains to alleviate their children's anxious feelings. But in your child's mind, these situations are really threatening. And things that are perceived as threats can produce a real nervous system response. We call this reaction anxiety. And I know the anxiety very well.

I spent most of my childhood with a constant and overwhelming sense of anxiety. And finally, in my late 20s, I decided to find a solution. In the last 20 years I have learned that 40 million American adults, as well as 1 in 8 children, suffer from anxiety. Many children; He misses school, social activities and a good night's sleep because of anxious thoughts. Many parents who witness their children day and night are in great sadness with frustration and helplessness.

Another thing I've learned is that there isn't a solution that fits everyone for anxiety. Instead there are great scientific research-based great techniques. And most of them are easy to learn. Why didn't my parents know? Why didn't I know? Why don't they teach them at school?

I wish I could go back in time and teach my younger self how to deal with anxiety. Of course this is impossible. But it's not impossible to reach as many parents and children as possible with these coping skills. And what is not impossible is to teach children not only to survive, but to go beyond and find meaning, purpose and happiness in their lives. That's why I created a program of anxiety support for children. The name of the program is GoZen. Here are 9 ideas I've used in this program that parents of anxious children can start trying immediately:

Stop Assuring Your Child

Your child is worried. You know there's nothing to worry about. So, “Trust me. There's nothing to worry about.. I wish everything was that easy. Why do your assurances come from one ear to the other? The problem is not in the ears, of course. Your worried child actually desperately wants to listen to you, but his brain doesn't allow it. To get alive in moments of anxiety, a quick chemical secretion and mental transitions take place in your body. As a result, the prefrontal cortex or the more logical part of the brain is put on hold, while automatic emotional brain management takes over. In other words, it becomes difficult for your child to think clearly, use logic, or even remember to complete the most basic tasks. What do you do instead of rationalizing it to eliminate anxiety? Try these:

Stop - take a break and take a few deep breaths with your child. Deep breathing can help reverse the reaction of the nervous system.

• Empathy - anxiety is frightening. Your child wants to know that you fully understand this.

• Evaluate - when your child calms down, it's time to find possible solutions.

• Release - release your guilt. You are a good parent who gives your child great ideas to cope with his worries.

Highlight Why Worrying Is A Good Thing

Remember, even if a child doesn't think “I have a problem kaygı, anxiety is a difficult enough emotion. Many children are worried about worrying. Teach your children that there is actually a purpose to worry about.

While our ancestors were hunting and gathering food, their environment was fraught with dangers, and being worried would protect them from the attack of wild animals hidden in the bushes. In modern times we don't have to escape from predators, but this evolutionary scar that protects us is still with us.

Anxiety is a protection mechanism. An alarm sounds in our alarm system, which allows us to survive the danger. Teach your children that worry is completely normal, that it helps protect us and that everyone experiences it from time to time. Sometimes our systems trigger false alarms, but this kind of concern can calm down with some simple techniques, and everything is back on track.

Uncover Your Child's Anxiety

As you know, ignoring anxiety is useless. But it's useful to raise anxiety and talk about it like a real person. Create a concern “character endişe for your child. Like a worried kitten. Let the kitty represent anxiety. Kitten, who is responsible for protecting us from danger, lives in the old brain. Of course, sometimes Kitty gets a little out of control, and when that happens, we need to give Kitty some advice. You can apply the same idea to a toy animal at home or to an animation game.

There are many benefits to personalizing concern or creating a character: it makes the frightening physical response that children experience when they are worried understandable. It can activate the sensible brain again. It is a method that your children can always use on their own.

Teach your child to become a “Thought Detective“

Remember, worry is a way for the brain to protect us from danger. To make sure that we really pay attention, the mind often exaggerates the “object in of anxiety (such as confusing a branch with a snake). You may have heard that teaching your children to think more positively can soothe their concerns. But the best remedy for “skewed” thinking is not düşünme positive thinking “but“ right ”thinking.

Capture your thoughts: Imagine all your thoughts flowing in a balloon above your head (just like in comic books). Now, catch up with anxious thoughts such as kimse Nobody at school loves me beni.

Gather evidence: Then collect evidence to support this idea or to prove otherwise. Teach your child not to judge their concerns based solely on emotions. Emotions are not facts. (Supporting evidence: “I had a hard time finding someone to sit with on a lunch break yesterday. Kanıt Evidence proving otherwise:“ Sherry and I are doing homework. She's my friend. ”)

Challenge your thoughts: The best (and most entertaining) way to do this is to teach your child to have a discussion within themselves.

Let them worry

As you know, telling your children not to worry will not prevent them from doing so. If your children could get rid of their emotions, they would have done it. It may be helpful to let your child worry clearly and in limited doses. Create a 10 to 15 minute routine each day called ı Time to Worry.. Encourage your children to write down all their concerns in the meantime. Even create a concern box. There should be rules as to what concerns a timely, valid concern. Let them write down everything. When the time is over, close the box and say goodbye to the worries of the day.

Help them to be now, not in the future

Maybe you don't realize it, but people have the ability to travel in time. The truth is, mentally, we spend a lot of time in the future. For someone who is concerned, traveling to such a mental future exacerbates anxiety. A typical anxious time traveler asks: “What if I forget my homework at home?”, “What if Suzy doesn't talk to me today?”

According to research, coming back “so far azal reduces this tendency. One of the effective methods of doing this is awareness exercises. Awareness brings a child from the future to the present. To do this, let your child focus on his or her breath for a few minutes.

Stop Avoiding Everything That Causes Anxiety

Does your child want to avoid social activities, dogs, school, airplanes, or anything that basically concerns him? Are you helping him as a parent? Of course! This is so natural. The “run” part of the war or run response forces your child to escape from the threatening situation. Unfortunately, avoiding worsens anxiety in the long run.

What else can be done? Children who can manage their worries divide it into manageable little pieces. Let's say your child is afraid to swing in the park. Instead of avoiding this activity, create smaller targets to approach the larger goal. (For example, first go to the end of the park, then walk into the park, walk around the swings and finally get on the swing.) You can use each step until it is easier to perform that step. Then you can understand that you need to go to the next step.

Create a Checklist

Do you know what trained pilots do when they face an emergency? Improvisation does not move. Instead, they use the emergency checklist. Despite years of training, each pilot works by looking at the checklist because sometimes it can be hard to think clearly in case of danger.

Children feel the same when they are concerned. So why not have checklists about a way to keep children calm down step by step? What do you think it is good for them to do when they first feel the anxiety is coming? If breathing works, then the first step is to stop and breathe. The next step may be to assess the situation. Once you have created the list, you can give them a copy to help them when they feel concerned.

Give Compassion to Yourself

It is sad and shocking to see your child suffer because of anxiety. There is not a single parent who has not blamed himself, even for a moment, because of the concern of his child. Research says that anxiety occurs as a result of many factors: genes, brain physiology, temperament, environmental factors, past traumatic events, and more. You didn't cause your child to be anxious, but you could get him to handle it.

Don't forget to show compassion to your whole family for a healthier life. Remember, you are not alone and you are not to blame. It's time to stop wearing your self-criticism and forgive yourself. Love yourself. You're the hero of your child.