Are We Raising Children Who Don't Like Learning?

Are We Raising Children Who Don't Like Learning?

I've known the mother sitting at the parents' meeting for years. We've been through a lot and shared. I've taught all three children. I can tell you that we've been friends all this time. She is a discreet mother who is very clear that she loves her children wholeheartedly. I have always been honest with him about his strengths and weaknesses, and I think he trusts me to tell him the truth. But when he talked about a problem that had been bothering him for a while, all I could do was try and save time by shaking my head.

“Marianna's grades are fine; I'm not worried about that, but it seems as if she doesn't like learning anymore. ”

He was absolutely right. For the last two or three years I've noticed the same thing as her daughter's middle school English and Latin teacher. I have an answer to what the problem is. Besides, it always comes to the tip of my tongue. But I was torn between my responsibility to help Marianna and the fact that I could never be sure that her mother was ready to hear the truth.

The truth - both for his parents and for many parents - is exactly that: He sacrificed his natural curiosity and love for learning for the sake of success; And it's our fault. All of us. Marianna's parents, teachers and the general public toplum We all participated in this crime against learning. From his first day at school, we always pointed to success with our fingers. We trained him to measure his progress through scores, grades and rewards. We taught him that his potential was firmly attached to his intelligence and that his intelligence was more important than his character. We taught him to come home, proudly carrying the highest grades, championship trophies and university entrance. And we taught him that we didn't care how he got them without realizing it. We taught him to maintain his excellent status in both academic and out-of-school activities at all costs. And we taught him it was better to give up instead of risking when things became difficult so that this perfect painting would not break. First of all, we taught you to fear mistakes. That fear killed his love of learning.

Look at that mother with her face full of worry. His eager pen is ready to write all the "wise" words that come out of my mouth. I find it hard to find the most gentle and soft words to tell him. I find it difficult to say that “being told hakkında every day about grades and scores keeps Marianna's addiction to her mother's tendency to solve and intervene on her behalf. And I'm having a hard time telling Marianna that external rewards are more important than her efforts to her own learning. Marianna is so anxious to please her parents that her love for learning has vanished because of her desire to get their approval.

Of course, this mother's overwhelming interest stems from love. That's really obvious. He wants to lay the worlds before his children. However, what he does while supporting the kind of success he thinks will make his children happy and proud in life may undermine their future success.

Marianna is a very smart and successful girl. And his mother reminds him of it every day. However, Marianna has received no praise for her hard work and hard work, or for complex scientific research. If the answer at the bottom of the page is incorrect, or if the research is in a deadlock, it is unsuccessful. No matter what he has learned in this struggle and confusion ... However, contrary to what he believes, he is actually learning in these difficult times. Learning to be creative in problem solving. He's literally learning to be diligent. He learns self-control and determination. But he was far less afraid of making mistakes, so he began to take much less risk to his intelligence. He's having trouble writing draft papers. He doesn't want to make assumptions or think aloud in class. He knows that if he tries something compelling or new, and he makes a mistake, it's an indication that he's not as smart as everyone keeps telling him. It's better to be safe. Is that really what we want? Children who get the highest grades but hate learning? Children who are academically successful but are too afraid to throw themselves into the unknown?

Marianna's mother is an overly successful woman both at school and in business. And he knows the value of this hard work in his life. Her own mother allowed her to make mistakes and play and learn to learn. But now as a mother to her own children, she completely ignores the value of struggling and confusing. He's so worried about Marianna's future accomplishments that she won't even let her daughter deal with obstacles in her way. She wants to give everything to Marianna, but she forgets that her own best childhood experiences come from the excitement of challenging challenges, moments when she loses trying and repeatedly tries to accomplish something alone, in short, the inherent adventure and joy of learning something new. .

I know this mother very well because she looks just like me. And it's hard to tell her the truth. Because I'm afraid you'il be defensive and angry. Because when I tell him that means I face the same mistakes I made in my own parenting.

Maybe it's time for me as a parent to realize the truth about where I'm going off the road and share it with her. Perhaps together we can help our children rediscover their mental courage, the enthusiasm for learning and the resilience and flexibility they need to become independent and talented adults. If we have a chance, they will even thank us when they look back at their childhood. Not only because of our unwavering love for them, but because we choose to put their long-term developmental and emotional needs ahead of our own short-term happiness. And for letting their lives be a little more difficult today to learn how to face the challenge tomorrow.

Now I take a deep breath and I'm going to tell him the truth.